Musings

I live in Irvine, CA.  Now… before you say “DIDN’T YOU JUST JOKE ABOUT PEOPLE GIVING OUT LOCATION-AWARE STATUS UPDATES AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING US WHERE YOU LIVE???”, relax.  Why the caps?   I thought we were friends.  Look... I don’t have kids and it’s highly doubtful that any hot young thing would want to stalk some old dude in his 40’s.  In case she does, though… I live at 201 N. Main and leave for work at 7:00 a.m.  Nude.  I’m kidding.  I wear clothes.  Sometimes.  Besides… it’s not like I’m giving out my social security number (022-29-2910). 

Anyway… I’m from Chicago.  Lived in the city for over 8 years.  Irvine is only slightly more “urban” than Mayberry. It’s a planned community in coastal Orange County, adjacent to Newport Beach.   It's consistently ranked one of the safest "cities" in America.  It’s a nice place to live … the kind of town where you can walk alone at night (not that you'd want to).  Lots of parks.  Lakes and marshes dot the landscape.  Palm trees.  Everyone seems to own a BMW.  It has a small town feel to it.   Yeah…  nice place, but let me be clear on one thing... NOTHING happens here.  No murders.  No assaults.  Not even a rowdy "after hours" party.  There was a big scandal a year ago when someone got killed in Anaheim and the killer dumped the body in some bushes by a jogging trail in Irvine.  It’s like a small version of Singapore.  Heavy police presence.  Fines for everything.  Clean and pristine.  No caning, though (not yet, anyway).

I bring this up because I’ve seen two things, recently, that had me laughing.  First off… there are TONS of police; they’re everywhere.  I was driving down the road and I spotted this tricked out, futuristic “Mobile Comm” … a vehicle that the NYPD would love to have.  Mobile what?  We, uh... we need this why?  Unruly Target shoppers?  Garage sale mayhem?  Then, today… I pull up alongside Officer Francis Poncherello.  He was riding a brand new BMW motorcycle with “Irvine Police” branded on it in a custom logo.  BMW?  Seriously?  Kind of cool, though.  I want one.

Now… I suppose you could say that Irvine is so safe BECAUSE of all this police activity, but it’s not like we live next to Liberty City.  We’re an hour south of LA and an hour north of San Diego.  Santa Ana is the closest thing to a “hood” and it’s nothing of the sort.  Again… there's very little crime in Orange County, let alone Irvine.  I just find it amusing.  Everywhere you go… gated communities; I live in one, in fact.  What do they think is going to happen?  Why all the muscle and gear?  Is some Manson family shit about to go down that I'm not aware of?



Yeah, uh... don't really get this one, either.  I'm talking about parents who put stickers on the back of their car to let pedophiles know how many kids they have and if they're boys or girls (their names, too).  Couple that with location-aware status updates on Twitter ("At Spectrum for 'date night' with hubby.  Kids home alone.").   Many Twitter updates also provide a geolocation.  All it takes is some sick puppy to start following a soccer mom who routinely tweets that she's on her way to pick up the kids at school.  It timestamps her updates.  May even provide a map coordinate.  Do you see where I'm going?  It's wrong on so many levels, yet they still do it.

I was in an elevator last week and someone said "thank god it's Friday."  I agreed, but then I thought... what about the other days?  What's so special about Friday?   Well... everyone hates poor Monday.  It's like visting the dentist.  Let's be honest.... Tuesday's kind of ignored.  It's not as despised as Monday, but it's certainly no Friday.  Wednesday may be stuck in the middle of the week, but with hump day and all, at least it's getting a little something something.  Besides... people start to feel hopeful when Wednesday's around.  Thursday, well... Thursday's practically Friday. They share a similar mindset.  It's the appetizer before the big meal... the dignified cocktail hour before everyone rushes off to cut loose at the wild weekend party.

This brings me to the the chosen ones... Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Much like Salt & Pepper, everyone wants them around.  They're like good friends.  You can let your guard down in their presence.  Friday is the young one ... the life of the party.   It's not quite as settled as Saturday.   In fact, it takes awhile for Friday to hit its groove, but once it's on... look out.  Saturday is the experienced one who knows what it's doing and is able to help out with anything.  Need to run errand?  Saturday's there for you.  Need a daytrip to get away?  It's got you covered.  When evening comes, it knows what you like and is on it.   Whether it's your thing to stay in and watch a movie or a night out on the town... Saturday is flexible.  "Relax, amigo."

Speaking of relaxation...  NONE of the other days have anything on Sunday.  Sunday is about one thing: peace and quiet.  Oh... it can be flexible, but its goal is to get you to sit back and just enjoy the day.  No work.  No stress.  Just a breeze through the trees and a comfy nap on the couch.  It will probably give you a massage with a happy ending, too.  Cheeky monkey.