To Serve and Protect
Tuesday, March 9 
I live in Irvine, CA. Now… before you say “DIDN’T YOU JUST JOKE ABOUT PEOPLE GIVING OUT LOCATION-AWARE STATUS UPDATES AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING US WHERE YOU LIVE???”, relax. Why the caps? I thought we were friends. Look... I don’t have kids and it’s highly doubtful that any hot young thing would want to stalk some old dude in his 40’s. In case she does, though… I live at 201 N. Main and leave for work at 7:00 a.m. Nude. I’m kidding. I wear clothes. Sometimes. Besides… it’s not like I’m giving out my social security number (022-29-2910).
Anyway… I’m from Chicago. Lived in the city for over 8 years. Irvine is only slightly more “urban” than Mayberry. It’s a planned community in coastal Orange County, adjacent to Newport Beach. It's consistently ranked one of the safest "cities" in America. It’s a nice place to live … the kind of town where you can walk alone at night (not that you'd want to). Lots of parks. Lakes and marshes dot the landscape. Palm trees. Everyone seems to own a BMW. It has a small town feel to it. Yeah… nice place, but let me be clear on one thing... NOTHING happens here. No murders. No assaults. Not even a rowdy "after hours" party. There was a big scandal a year ago when someone got killed in Anaheim and the killer dumped the body in some bushes by a jogging trail in Irvine. It’s like a small version of Singapore. Heavy police presence. Fines for everything. Clean and pristine. No caning, though (not yet, anyway).
I bring this up because I’ve seen two things, recently, that had me laughing. First off… there are TONS of police; they’re everywhere. I was driving down the road and I spotted this tricked out, futuristic “Mobile Comm” … a vehicle that the NYPD would love to have. Mobile what? We, uh... we need this why? Unruly Target shoppers? Garage sale mayhem? Then, today… I pull up alongside Officer Francis Poncherello. He was riding a brand new BMW motorcycle with “Irvine Police” branded on it in a custom logo. BMW? Seriously? Kind of cool, though. I want one.
Now… I suppose you could say that Irvine is so safe BECAUSE of all this police activity, but it’s not like we live next to Liberty City. We’re an hour south of LA and an hour north of San Diego. Santa Ana is the closest thing to a “hood” and it’s nothing of the sort. Again… there's very little crime in Orange County, let alone Irvine. I just find it amusing. Everywhere you go… gated communities; I live in one, in fact. What do they think is going to happen? Why all the muscle and gear? Is some Manson family shit about to go down that I'm not aware of?
Buddha |
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